I'VE SOLVED CALIFORNIA'S BUDGET CRISIS

The solution to the whole budget thing occurred to me the other day when a judge was sentencing two of my clients - one right after the other - after they accepted the DA's "offer" of 4 years in State Prison in return for their guilty pleas. The judge while pronouncing "judgment" orders them, in addition to the state prison time to pay "restitution", "court costs", "fees", even something called a "Conviction Assessment Fee". These all were pursuant to Government Code something and Government Code something else and Penal Codes something else. Judges do this all the time routinely and it's something they're probably required to do pursuant to Government Codes something something. And it takes a long time for judges to say all of it. Probably didn't add up to more than $500.00.
I love these "fees" and "costs" and "assessments" especially when the defendant is going to prison for something like 450 years to life. Some judges actually seem to want to slam them with all this stuff like "yeah and take this too!".
I'm thinking the State Legislature should increase all these "fees", "costs" and "assessments" to really cover the costs - like for how much it actually costs California, not only for the courts but the prisons too. Assess these convicted felons the several millions it costs to house them in prison if they're 20 years old and sent to spend the next 450 years plus in custody. Not that they're any more likely to pay that any more than they pay the smaller amount usually ordered. But then California can balance the budget cause wouldn't these thing all this money owed be Assets that the State is owed? We'd be way ahead. That's the solution. Just thinking.

SQUABBLING LAWYERS

As I was waiting in court for my case to be called, I sat there watching as three lawyers were "addressing" the court and each other. For a moment I felt like a tv viewer who happened to flip to an unfamiliar sitcom and stick around to see what it was all about. It took a minute or two to figure out that these two defense attorneys and one prosecutor were simply trying to pick the next court date for their case. There was always a problem with a particular date. "No that's not good for me - I have a conflict on that day. What about the 4th?" "Bad day for me counsel, it's my nephew's grade school graduation." And on and on. Everyone in that crowded courtroom, including the defendants in custody, the court reporter, the clerk, and the people and lawyers waiting for other cases to be called had to listen to this. Every once in a while the judge would think there was a date agreed to and eagerly say - "So that's it? It's Thursday, the 6th?" - but no that wouldn't actually do for one of the attorneys - "I'm set for trial in Compton that day and Judge Cheroske ... well you know Cheroske." There's more blither and blather back and forth. At some point it reaches some plateau where it's clear to all that some major point of existential absurdity has been reached. The judge looks down from the bench with a look like "would someone please give me the air bubble?"
Okay, I'll admit it, I too have participated in this kind of special Olympics for lawyers event of "picking a date". I had no idea I was so amazing.

JUDGES MISHEGAS

there's the judge that is always kvetching from the bench (how this friend owes him money and won't pay him; how a contractor screwed him; how you can't trust people anymore - this is during jury selection).
then there are the jurists who:
go crazy when you walk into the "well"*;
go crazy when you "approach a witness" without asking "may I approach the witness?";
go crazy when you ask "may I approach the witness?" and yell at you for asking;
go crazy when you call them "judge" instead of "Your Honor";
go crazy when you wear a sweater that obscures your tie and they think you're trying to pull a fast one and not wear a tie in court;
go crazy when you don't stand up when you address** "the court".



*area in front of the judge's bench - where His Excellency sits
**you never talk to a judge - you always "address the court"

TOUGH GIG

I'm in court and watch as a judge listens to a man's brother plead with the judge not to sentence his brother to 25 to life under the 3 strikes law. Although this was the defendant's 3rd or 4th violent crime conviction, the brother told the judge about his brother's struggles with drug addiction. His honor had tears in his eyes as he listened. And then he sentenced the defendant to the 25-life.
Later on I saw the judge in the hallway and said "that must have been tough." He looked at me a little surprised and smiled. "Easy as pie."

WHAT DO YOU CALL 8 JUDGES STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR

As I'm leaving the Criminal Courts for lunch a deputy sheriff with glee in his voice shouts "Did you hear there are 8 judges stuck in the elevator!" Wow.